Hi you, I know you are hurting and I want to start by saying “I am sorry”. I am sorry that you are hurting. I apologize on behalf of those who hurt you (because the reality is most of those people won’t come back and apologize to you) but you still need your healing regardless. I know you don’t want to stay in this place of hurting because it’s most likely eating you alive. Jesus sees you, He sees your hurt and He is ready to heal you. Let’s dive into how you can heal from that hurt and begin to walk with love in your heart again!
I’m learning more and more that you can’t force someone to heal. Of course, it would be easy to say “get over it” and then you just get over it, but that’s not how it works. Healing is a process, it’s a journey. And it’s one that only God can help with. So if you’re out there and you feel as if you’re not understood in your hurt. You feel like everybody looks at you and says, “Why are you still hurt? How are you still feeling this way? Why can’t you get over it?” Just know that, even though they don’t understand what you are dealing with, you’re understood by God. Your healing journey is not going to be an easy one, but if you’re willing to open up to God and let Him into your wounds (even though it’s uncomfortable and it hurts), I guarantee your healing will come. I’m sorry to tell you, but this is not going to be a one-day process. The healing journey will take some time but do not get discouraged, rejoice in knowing that you are not alone. God is walking with you on this journey. So my dear friend, take your time. Don’t be mad at yourself that you’re still feeling this way inside, give yourself grace and allow God to direct your healing process. I know you’ve heard the phrase time heals but let me just add one more thing, time with God heals.
We hear it said many times that you need to heal. It’s easier said than done, trust me I know. I experienced hurt in my life and I was so surprised by how long it took me to heal. I saw myself become someone unrecognizable. I was bitter, angry, quick-tempered, and constantly crying. So my dearest friend, if you are feeling this way do not worry. If you feel as if you are in this rut of brokenness and bitterness, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. I understand and most importantly God understands. Here are practical steps you can take to heal from hurt.
1. Acknowledge that you’re injuring
So many of us deflect when we are hurt. We say things like, “I don’t care that they hurt me”, or “It doesn’t bother me”, but that’s not true. The reality is that you are hurting, you do care and you are bothered. If you truly want to heal from the hurt, you have to stop pretending like you are not hurt and acknowledge the truth.
When you acknowledge that you‘re hurt, you allow room for God to come in and begin to work in your heart. You see, God knows you’re hurting but He is not going to do something you didn’t ask Him to. He’s a gentleman, so He won’t begin the healing process you unless you open up and admit to Him that you are hurting and need Him to heal you. Glory be to God that in His word He says that He heals the brokenhearted and He wipes the tears from the eyes of His children. You are precious to Him. Be transparent, let Him in and He will heal you.
Psalm 147:3 ESV-“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
2. Forgive those who hurt you
I know! This is probably the last thing you want to hear right now. How can I be telling you to forgive those who hurt you, when they’re the ones that are at fault? I know, I know. To the world, this is an absurd request but to us believers in Christ, this is our command from God. God calls for us to forgive those who hurt us. This forgiveness is not only for those who hurt you, but it is for you. When you forgive, you release them from your heart. You decide that you will not grow bitter and let them have such power over your emotions.
You might want to say, “Well they haven’t apologized. I’ll forgive them if they apologize.” Unfortunately, that’s not going to cut it my friend. When Jesus was on the cross none of His persecutors apologized to Him, but He still forgave them and prayed for them to be forgiven.
You will have to pray and ask God to grant you the grace to forgive those who have hurt you. You cannot do it on your own. If it was up to you, you wouldn’t forgive (trust me I get you 😂). If it was up to you, you would remain bitter and ask for them to be hurt in the same capacity they hurt you. But that is not who you are called to be as a child of God. As a child of God, we must emulate Christ, and our Jesus Christ forgave. He forgave you and me even though we didn’t deserve it. He died for you and me because He loved us, so the least we could do is emulate Him and also forgive.
Luke 23:34 NIV- Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
3. Look at them through the lens of Christ, not the lens of man
What I’m referring to here is Agape love. That is the kind of love that has no conditions. Agape Love says, “Regardless of what you have done to me I love you. I don’t love you only when you love me, but I love you even if you don’t love me.” The reason why you are able to love in this capacity is because Jesus first loved you. Look at your life, think about all the ways you have hurt God, and look at all the ways He has forgiven you. This is unconditional love. We don’t deserve this kind of love but God gives it to us anyway.
The world tells us to love those who love us and hate those who hate us. But Jesus tells us to love those who hate us and pray for those who persecute us. When you look at people through the lens of Christ you will begin to have compassion for them. You will see those who hurt you as flawed individuals who are also in need of love. To receive your healing you must ask God to help you see those individuals as He sees them. Ask God to help you love them even though it’s hard. As you pray this prayer, I know God will begin to soften your heart and you will begin to be filled with compassion and love, even for your persecutors.
Luke 6:32-36: NIV -“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
4. Read the word of God
Honestly, you probably don’t feel like reading the Bible right? I know, but this is the time when you have to read it the most. When you read the word of God, there will be healing as His word begins working on your heart. Remember, the word of our God is a double-edged sword, it is able to pierce through bone and marrow. This means that it can remove what doesn’t belong in your heart and replace it only with what God wants to be there.
God will take away the bitterness, the anger, and the hatred and replace it with love, compassion, patience and kindness. The word of God will strengthen you. When you feel weak and feel like you cannot go on, or when you feel like there is no answer to your pain, the word of God will grant you comfort and peace. The word of God has an answer for everything that you are facing and will ever face. Don’t shy away from the word when you are hurting, read the word more and watch it heal you and change you for the better.
Hebrews 4:12 ESV- “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.“
5. Cry out to the Lord!
Cry, cry, and cry some more. As much as you need to cry, cry out to the Lord. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should not be crying, or that there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to easily let this pain go. Cry out to the Lord because He cares. This burden is not yours to carry. Lay it all down at His feet. Be honest and open. You can say, “Daddy, I’m hurting. God I can’t forgive them, I need your help”. He will not be angry at you because you are hurting. He looks at you with compassion and He does not want to see you in pain. Cry out to God and He will answer you and heal you. He will wipe your tears and you will feel so much peace after you spend time in His presence and give all your burdens to Him.
Psalm 120:1 ESV – “In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me.“
No one wants to get hurt. If we could live life without getting hurt that would be amazing but unfortunately, that is not the case. We live in a fallen world and sin is all around us, but thanks be to Christ that we have a God who will be with us in all seasons. With Christ, we are set apart and we can do all things(Including loving and forgiving those who have hurt us). My friend, do not stay in your current state of hurt. Allow God to heal your wounds. Be open and honest with Him, and invite Him to help you heal and forgive those who hurt you. When you allow God to come into your burdened heart, He will take away your sorrows and replace them with joy.
Decide today that you will no longer let anyone affect your emotions but instead, you will let God work in you and make you whole again. Once you are healed, the next time someone hurts you, you can easily forgive them and move on. God is waiting for you to ask Him for help in this area. You are loved, you are not alone and you will be healed! Dont wait, start the healing journey now! God bless!